gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
