you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
