I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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