I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
