That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
