Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That was an excessively violent trivia night
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
