Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
