just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
