we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
