his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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