best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
