dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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