turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
