Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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