I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
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Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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