If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
