well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
