I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
