A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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