What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
