is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
