If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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