I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
