ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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