After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
