All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
