ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
barbara walters just said penis...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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