I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
