What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
