shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
