Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
