Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
