Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my shit smells like andre
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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