Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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