You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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