why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
