i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
