Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
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You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
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Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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