never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
