3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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