Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
