the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
