a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Text me some of your sweat
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