grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
