Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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