I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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