love makes seman taste better
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
