Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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