I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
