Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
