How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
