whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
