I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
