yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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