that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
