is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
