theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
