Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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