The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
