he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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