Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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