I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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