Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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