There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
