I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
