Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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