I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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