I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
