I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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