I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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