i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
