you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
