So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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