You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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