Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
