When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
