I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
